“We travel for romance, we travel for architecture, and we travel to be lost.” – Ray Bradbury
this may not much make sense to someone else. and I am hesitant to post it because I don’t want to implant the wrong idea in someone’s head…but I hope it can inspire the right inspiration for each person individually. It all makes sense to me- but hey it is my ramblings that mostly I just needed to get out, for myself- and writing is the best form for me to do just that. so here it is.
a friend recently said to me something along the lines of I was living- in the sense that I am alive, a living breathing person that has life- and that was something great in itself. and though I know they did not necessarily mean it in the sense I am going to yammer on about- it got me thinking.
I don’t feel like it is enough to just live. just be a living human. I think it is fine to have simple moments, for everything to not be some grand adventure/event, and it is ok to not do anything “grand” with your life in a sense…it doesn’t have to be grand in comparison to what others have done or are doing…but grand in your own life. full of gusto, and the zest of life that really makes you relish being alive…and feel alive. It is a fine line though…of not getting swept up in wanting your life to be one big grand event- all the time, at every moment- being able to top someone else or have a life at least just as good as theirs. but rather being able to find the grand in your own life while not settling in the comfortable, the known, the shallow for any extended amount of time….we get so set in where we are, what we are doing- we are told we have to decide on what we want to DO with our lives. like we have one big decision and then just buckle in for the rest of our lives- in the same seat, with the same view and the same route. I don’t think that is it at all- far from it actually. I think we are suppose to take decision by decision and not be scared to explore, adventure, be beautifully wrong and beautifully off track- because you never quite know where that will lead you…and hey just maybe it will lead you somewhere great.
I want to live. I want to see the world- not just for the sake of seeing it, but explore it and really see it- see the people, the culture, the ugly, the magnificent…I’m not saying this is what living “grandly” looks like. but for me it does. I don’t have a set career path I want to chase. and I don’t want to just settle into the routine life that the society here in America tells us to. for me it isn’t either “be a successful independent women set in my career” or “be a married house wife”- these things are not bad (and I am sick of blog posts, articles, buzzfeed..ect ragging on either of these options) they just aren’t the only options for me currently, but they may be for you- and that is fine! live YOUR life and don’t be afraid to explore if that is the life you want. just don’t get stuck in the routine, in the average. add spice to your life, adventure- find out what that looks like to you. just experience this world, the people in it and how your God wants you to interact with it all and be apart of it.
I am letting go. Letting go of this idea in my head of what my life is supposed to look like. Letting go of the idea that I need to get married young. Letting go of the idea that there is some perfect route to my life that I must find and remain on or be forever doomed. Letting go of being in the comfortable. I am letting go of comparing my life to others, but rather focusing on my own and what I hope for it to look like- currently. I am letting go of seeking the things in this world I feel like I should have but don’t and trying to attain those things- like a major that fits me down to the last detail, a boyfriend, an outgoing bubbly personality, a successful life….that I should have it all together…be a certain way.
yes I want to get married, but I want to experience life on my own- and have marriage come if it may- in its own time, own way.
I have never had a set career path in mind, a dream job, a perfect fit for my major, a passion buried deep within me I just need to unearth and hone into. and I am seeing that more and more as a blessing in my own life. because it will lead me to adventure. new experiences. surprising wondrous moments, and gruelingly hard moments as well. It will age me, mature me, and make me more of who I am. It will create me & mold me. I want to live life full-heartedly and lively- not for the sake of bragging rights, not to leave my print on this world, not to experience just for the sake of experience, not to do work for Christ just for the sake of doing so or get caught up in life itself- but to meet people and learn what it means to love them, to encounter new places and interact with what my God made, to learn what it means to be in solitude with my God, to experience so that I can grow and learn. Not quite sure what that means or looks like yet. I can picture the grand things…but I need to learn what it means for the smaller things as well so that I am not always saying – someday. but can embrace it in the here and now. maybe I am doing something wrong. maybe I should just be following my hearts desire. But right now I just want to figure out what it looks like to embrace life deeply and fully where I am at with the people and places that surround me. I want to separate more from this “world” in order to experience the actual world more…if that makes sense. I want to focus more on the important things and less on the not so important. and I want to be able to live…explore…adventure…and I want to let go of routine. comfortability. and the known and step more into the unknown. I want to live greatly but simply. And mostly I don’t want to lose hold of being within the uncomfortable, having a young spirit and adventurous soul… And the ability to just seek God and follow where he leads me. i don’t want I lose so many of he good things we encounter When we are younger.
I am not here to tell you how to live your life. what is the wrong way or the right way. Because doing so just gets you into the mess of what you think life is suppose to look like. that is between you and God. and I am here to be a friend in the midst of that when you need it.
I have got an adventurous, wandering soul to blame. but something in movies like the secret life of Walter Mitty really stir something within me. and not even necessarily the life of the main character, but rather the character that plays the photographer. a man that just seeks beauty, and lives life in a simple, but deep way. of not just simply living, but letting life not get dull and ‘on-track’. because crap will come- but out of that comes sometimes-marvelous things. there is no on-track. there is no overall route for our lives that we are all seeking to find. but there is life itself- and it’s happening. be spontaneous; be daring, do things new, exciting, scary- which is saying a lot from me who can love comfort of the known and normal. but I am sick of that and sick of trying to find my overall life goal/ plan and get cracking on that- of buckling down and becoming “successful”, of fearing that one wrong move/decision and I am screwed. I don’t want to just enjoy being a kid now- I want to do so for the rest of my life. yes, have responsibility and wise choices be apart of it all- but not to the point that it limits life itself. I want to live passionately and be inspired by people, places, moments. I want a full life. not settle into what I think I am suppose to do, what is “right”, what others want from me, what someone my age is “suppose” to be doing. or the ideal picture of what my life is suppose to look like at every stage- and follow that protocol with every age box I hit “4 years college” welp already screwed that up- do I regret it- no. “meet my spouse while in college”- not looking to good- am I bummed, when I really think about it no. “get married after college”- sounds nice, and some times I freak out that ill be graduating at 23 and sill have not met the “love of my life” (I actually stress over this sometimes- that is ridiculous) but actually- I want time on my own, to experience life on its own, discover and become. “find my dream job”- I don’t think that there is one overall dream job that fits for me. “settle down- have kids”- someday maybe. what age that is at? who know, who cares- definitely nothing to stress about now ( yes I have stressed over needing to get married young, have time to be just husband and wife while also being able to have kids young- seriously.. this shouldn’t even be on my plate of concerns since there is no even prospect in my life of someone to even marry! silly me, yet I know many of us have/ are there)
I think it is less about “finding” yourself but creating yourself along the way. There is no real right or wrong way of doing that- but just know the way you live your life creates who you are.
I am going to…
care less about what I look like and more about how I am living.
care less about getting it right and more about living well.
care less about how well known and liked I am and more about how well I love those around me and give to them as fully as I am able.
care less about what I am getting and more about what I am giving.
Gods word calls us beyond our comfort zones into all the world.
“No chapter in life has all the joys.” -John Piper